So I'm Going To War Next Week

Well after 15 months in the Army I'm getting ready to go to war. I can honestly say that I have no idea where the time went.

I got out of AIT in March and the first day I was at my unit I left for a training exercise out in the New Mexico desert. When we got back we had a sit-down with our Battalion Sergeant Major and he told us that before we know it we would be in Afghanistan "blasting hajis and pinging motherf-" Well just know he's a man of strong language and ideals. At the time it seemed like a long ways off since we still had 9 months to go, but after 2 more field exercises and countless hours of doing stuff that made me hate the Army, we're finally getting ready to go.

Not a lot has happened recently that is really worth talking about, or would be funny, and unless it's funny I really don't ever think it's worth talking about.

Anyway, I just wrote this so that I could tell people I like them. I never really tell people that I appreciate them. There are a lot of really great people in my life that mad it a whole lot better, I just wish I'd told them more often, not that I plan on dying, because I can totally just tell them later, but that's just something that I've been thinking about lately. People need to talk more, let one another know that they're worth a damn. So if I send you some long passionate message about how much I love you, that's why.

Oh, and Winnie the Pooh is a timeless classic and can describe every emotional latitude that ever existed, so I added that.

All in all I hope that didn't sound sappy, but I really do like people.

Joking Aside

Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm not very good at keeping a serious situation, well, serious. There really isn't anything I can't make a joke out of. One of the Army head shrinks once told me that it is a defense mechanism to prevent me from addressing my problems, he was probably right. So I told him I must be the Berlin Wall of comedy and left.

This is the first time I've ever written anything that wasn't just factual and spoken of lightly, so if it's too somber just let me know, I can always write some complaints about my roommate and the lack of proper restaurants on post.

Anyway...here goes.

In the last 14 months I've been in the Army I'd have to say it's done a decent job at teaching me how to survive. I know how to control major bleeding from extremity wounds, react to near ambushes, drive a dozen different vehicles, and plenty of other general tricks of the trade.

The Army has taught me how to survive, at the cost of me forgetting how to live.

Yesterday I came home from my pre-deployment leave. 21 days at home with friends and family completely void of the Army's bullshit. It was the most relaxed I've found myself in over a year. Now I'm back in Fort Bliss. Even as I signed back into the post I was reminded of why everyone hates it here. On top of my leave form someone had left a Post-it note telling me that I was to report for a 24 hour Charge-of-Quarters shift tomorrow. That's how shoddy our unit is. My orders are passed down on Post-it notes.

But that's beside that point. The real reason I thought I'd sit down and take the time to write something of substance is because 30 minutes ago, I was sitting alone in my room, eating Chinese take-out and thinking, "This is the most 'alone' I've ever felt."

Now I'm not one to say that I'm depressed or anything like that. I'm too proud for that and could never admit that I have enough problems to be depressed about them. The poor bastards that fought in the Great Wars, Korea, and Vietnam, those guys had issues. I just feel sorry for myself sometimes I guess.

I really think that this upcoming deployment is the thing that's starting it all up. I'll sit around with the guys and we'll all joke about which of us is going to kill someone first, or who is going to lose a leg, even sometimes guessing which of us is going to die. Then we'll get word that someone from a sister unit on post just lost the fight and the mood becomes quite somber.

I feel like we all walk a fine edge, emotionally at least. A man can't sit around and contemplate the impending possibility of his death all day or he'll go crazy. It can be just as bad for a man to sit around and joke like nothing could ever happen to him and breed a lackadaisical outlook on his mission and get himself or his buddies killed.

Now I'm just rambling. I guess in short I just wanted to say that sometimes the biggest obstacle a man faces is himself and his mind. Yeah, that sounded educated, I'll go with that.