Frisbee and Snacks!

Yesterday I went to my first Future Soldier Function. A Future Soldier Function is basically just a meeting all the recruits in the Army Delayed Entry Program at our recruiting station have every other Thursday. I asked my recruiter, Sgt Anderson what we do at these things. He said, "Basically we just play ultimate frisbee and have some food and stuff."

So I show up to the function ready to play some extremely feminine sports...like frisbee. But after a short presentation from some Human Resources lady outlining the benefits and programs available for our families, and taking pictures for the Future Soldier Wall of Fame in the office, we got ready to go play. It was at this moment that one of the recruiters said "Let's go run up to the Y!" It was at this moment that I thought to myself, "I've made a huge mistake..."

Long story short, we got to the Y and started running...which lasted all of like 50 feet for most of the recruits. I of course am no average recruit. I ran all the way to the second of ten switchbacks...immediately wishing I was as smart as the kids that didn't start hiking up the side of a mountain with a full sprint.

There was one recruit, that is apparently in my "squad," that was wearing weights on his ankles and wrists. He was also dressed like the Unabomber or something. He made it about twenty-five feet before looking like he was about to have a cardiac episode. So one of the recruiter's told him to take off his damn weights and keep going. I don't know what happened after that, but on of the recruiters said that he quit after the first switchback...Army Strong!

I'll just say that I hope that a couple of my fellow recruits end up in supply and logistics...like so far away from the combat that they supply the supply and logistics guys.

Anyway. We all made it to the top of the Y, with the exception of Mr. Kaczynski of course.

Then we all ran down, so that we'd impress girls.

Probably didn't work.

Hurry Up And Wait

Well I think I've been awake for about 27 hours now...so I'm slightly sleepy. Damn MEPS. The day went like this: First, everyone gets up at about 4:30 and gets all ready for processing, you know, showering, brushing your teeth, not putting on a thong (that was a specific instruction given to all recruits before going to processing...yeah I know). After a short bus ride from the Radisson hotel in Salt Lake City, we ended up at the actual MEPS building, about 20 minutes before they open apparently, so we waited outside. It was great.

The first thing that I learned today was that apparently recruiting stations are hotbeds for terrorist activities, since we were all frisked, wanded, and had our bags run through an x-ray machine...and naturally the metal detecting wand picked up the Juicy Fruit in my left pocket, but not the phone in my right.

Now the rest of MEPS is hard to remember in any specific order. I remember peeing in a cup. being taught how to "correctly" check a box on a form, getting a reasonably invasive physical exam, exercising in my underwear with five other recruits, and becoming pretty apprehensive about the fact that a couple of the guys in there were probably some day going to end up handling weapons that can wipe out small countries.

One of the new things I encountered was being told that no matter what I did, I did wrong, not because of incorrect procedure, but because of vague instruction or doing them too slow. A thing I'll have to get used to I guess.

There is also a lot of waiting at MEPS. Waiting for interviews, waiting for blood tests, waiting for urine tests, waiting for faxes, waiting for recruiters, waiting for paperwork, waiting for waiting rooms to have enough room for you. It's great.

We also had lunch. It was kind of like the stuff they gave you in elementary school, but withoutthe essential ingredient of lunch lady love, prepared by a guy that looks like he got the job as a service from the local prison unemployment bureau.

Oh, and if you end up going to MEPS any time in the future, try to avoid the fat guy named Scott, he is a lot like the cafeteria guy, but more condescending.

After lunch I went to the Army liaison to finalize my contract and DEP (Delayed Entry Program) in. I know DEP is a noun and not a verb, but I DEP'd nonetheless. I got my contract all assembled, promising me the MOS of 68W. (Health Care Specialist [Combat Medic])

Shortly after thumbprinting about a dozen pages I signed the dotted line...which is actually electronic now, so bummer.

Next step was to take my Oath of Enlistment, which ended up being just the Air Force major in charge of the facility, an aspiring Navy SEAL, and myself. Not much pomp and circumstance, and the whole thing lasted about 45 seconds.

Then I waited around to get a ride back home from my recruiter. By then of course I had mastered the ability to hurry up and wait.